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How to drive in Phoenix, AZ E-mail
Thursday, 01 February 2007
© 2001 Gary Wise

Emailed to Gary

Having lived there for two years, I can say the following really hits the nail on the head!

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS".
 
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
 
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".
 
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.  

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
 
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
 
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix . Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
 
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
 
9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road.
 
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
 
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
 
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.
 
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